I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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