PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
