god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize