Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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