so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
