yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
