i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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