So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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