i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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