The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
