"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize