Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We got so high we made milksteak
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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