WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
