So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
