I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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