Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
