It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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