is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
