rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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