Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
