DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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