dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
