I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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