im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
