did you get engaged???
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize