the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I love you.
Bad choice
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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