Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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