so explain again why im purple
no
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
