I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
BRING THE BAGELS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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