i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
