The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
