We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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