mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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