It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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