Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
