I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
