she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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