The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
