Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
