ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
