hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
