Umm I'm too high to move.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
whose parrot is this?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
