he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
