no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
