fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
