I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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