he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
