I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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