Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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