after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
