Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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