my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
