I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
handjob tips. give me some.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
