hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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