Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
