Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Found the puke drawer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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