apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
