I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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