Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
