Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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