I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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