She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your cock deserves a montage
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
