just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
