I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.