sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops