My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
