Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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