I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
