i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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