uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
