One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
