Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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