i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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