I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
