I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
