id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
