Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize