sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
