just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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