i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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