It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
