My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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